A Year of YES
If there’s anything I’ve learned in my twenties so far, it’s to slow down long enough to listen to the call of your life. Whether that’s running numbers at a desk or flying a plane or becoming the first in what you do, whatever you do, I think we all have an external calling that we sometimes listen to, and regrettably, sometimes we don’t. This year, that external calling, or God or whatever you want to call it, told me to start saying yes. It wrapped me up tightly in its arms the way I’ve seen friends do after something painful or heartbreaking has happened, and it reminded me the voice I had been allowing to lead me for some time was anxiety, or in other words, the condition that screams the word “NO” at you every time you think you’ve mustered up all the courage in the world to give the thing one more try. And too often, we listen to it, because something deep and harrowing inside us tells us we are supposed to.
You know what I did the very first morning I woke up and it seemed like the sun was shining from some little holes inside of me that wanted to turn those no’s around? I let it. My life didn’t change drastically, in fact, it looked pretty much the same. But it didn’t matter if the sun was shining through my window or not because I had that greater calling back and the light came through.
It seems simple but maybe you need to hear this as much as I did— the only way to combat that condition of chronic no’s is just one tiny yes.
That yes told me just about everything in my life needed to change. One day it looked exactly the same, and yet, overtime, everything was different. I moved states, back home, to a place I hadn’t spent much time in since I left it at eighteen. I had my final days at my first real job, at the age of twenty-four, just two years out of college (what was I thinking?) I smiled through some really happy days with the people I love the most in the world, and cried at all the things that have ever gone wrong. I applied to a teaching position abroad— two things I’ve always wanted to do— teach high schoolers and live in a new country.
Then I realized there was more in the world telling me ‘no’ than the one inside my head. I got told no, lots of no’s, and I had to trust that each one was a blessing in disguise, even if it broke me. So I continued on my path towards Yes and decided that if one of the factors that could change my life was me, and the other factor was called g-o-d, then something might turn out right eventually.
Now, I am living in Spain. I have traveled to five new countries this year. I am teaching English at a high school just outside of the city. I am writing again. I am learning a new language. I am relearning everything I thought I knew about life and speaking it in that new language, that new way of living, and in many ways, life will never be the same. And I am trying. Trying to keep up with all these yeses and I am exhausted, but I am happier than I’ve ever been and that is all I know for sure right now, and I think that’s a win.
